It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve even had the thought of stopping my blog all together. Sometimes with the busyness of life I forget how much writing heals my soul. I’m grateful that my family knows as well, because they are good about giving me a sweet subtle reminder that they haven’t read anything from me in a while. I can usually feel the tug at my heart as well.
Over the past couple of months I have had a plethora of emotions. It’s been quite a challenge to keep them all in their proper place. Since the passing of my sister (almost 3 months), life has been different. Odd. There are tears that still seem to come out unexpectedly and literally fall before I can catch them. I’m usually good at being in control, but lately I’m like an elevator. I could say like a roller coaster but I still like the control part.
Like an elevator in a department store, it can stop on different floors where you can either get off or stay on and someone else gets on. I feel like that in my life right now. There are those amazing moments that take you right to the top floor, like your boy being named captain of the basketball team next year, an amazing spring &summer basketball opportunity, and great academic achievements.
Then there are those moments when you get an old picture in the mail that reminds you of what you lost. When you suddenly remember that she’s not here to talk you through your emotions. That you can’t share all of the awesome stuff going on in your life. Sometimes I even feel guilty for being happy and forgetting briefly that there is sadness to deal with.
Sometimes, on the elevator you just want to go directly to the floor that you intended when you got on, but there are stops along the way. My stops are great dates with girlfriends that include some belly bouncing laughs and some random tears, and meeting new people who you wonder where the heck have they been all of my life?! I was convinced many years ago that God brings people into your life to replace the ones that don’t do the “job” that He intended. And yes, that includes family. Lots of emotions there.
I hope this doesn’t sound as if I’m having a pity party, because I’m blessed. I have an awesome life. Just like everyone else I’m walking through life and sorting through what it brings me.
So guess what? I made the decision to run my first 5k. I know it’s not a marathon, but seriously people somebody stole this once athletic body of mine and now I’m forced to whip it into running shape. Yikes, now that it’s public I can’t bail out huh?! Just kidding, I’m very excited. When you live with Olympians (not really but close), eventually you have to surrender to a life of fitness. They got me. Everyday I battle with emotions that say can I really do it or this is crazy! Thank God I have the best motivator anyone could ask for.
Did I mention my boy is almost a Senior? Talk about emotions. Who in the world said he could grow up so fast. I still see him with missing teeth and unable to pronounce his L’s. I’m telling you right now, the tears will fall in the upcoming months. I used to hold them back and confess that “I don’t do sad”, but who am I kidding??
And guess who’s turning 40 this Summer?! Yep, Emotion City USA! Lots going on in this head of mine, GEEZ! I’m actually looking forward to the next phase of my life. Forty doesn’t scare me…as long as I keep moving. And I can hardly wait to see my life-long, childhood, California BFF as well. I’m so honored that she would make the trip to see me for such a big birthday…more emotions.
So, that’s pretty much what’s going on with me lately, never a dull moment. If you see me, have Kleenex. Just kidding, I’m ok and I promise to do a better job writing. I feel better already.